my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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