worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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