Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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