I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize