OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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