At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
