Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
