i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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