i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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