He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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