Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
