im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
