Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
