just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
