I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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