I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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