when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
