Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
