I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
