yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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