dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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