Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
