are you still at the devil's house?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
