Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
