Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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