i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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