was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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