ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
