If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
