I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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