Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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