Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
