I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize