I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
