It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
