Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
People in love make me want to vomit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
