I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
