I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
