God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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