He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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