Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
