just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
