I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
