I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You left your phone here
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