I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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