Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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