you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
