Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
