i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
