so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
