i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
