Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
