the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
