I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
