hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
